Shouldn't This Get Easier?

I have been getting chemo treatments every two weeks since the beginning of December. The effects of my treatments are not that severe compared to others, but it still sucks. Every two weeks I get to spend three days in bed feeling like I have the flu. I’m exhausted and queasy. My nose runs almost constantly. My eyes burn any time they tear up. After the three days, I start to feel normal. “Normal” is completely different than it used to be. I can’t drink or eat anything cold. For a few days, chewing will hurt my jaw. Plus, there are occasional waves of nausea and the skin breakouts. The effects have gotten easier to handle. I don’t get as sick as I did the first couple of times. Despite this, I dread every treatment. The day before, I get crabby and anxious.

At the treatment center, I see how sick other patients are. There are so many people there who really look sick. The comment I get most often is that I don’t look sick. I know that treatment-wise I have it pretty easy. I get lots of looks from the other patients. I assume it’s because of my age. All of the nurses know me – again because of my age. On Monday, the patient in the chair next to mine was 30. I only know this because the nurses ask you to verify your name and birth date when they administer the chemo drugs. She looked much older than that and she looked sick.

I’m just tired tonight. And slightly nauseated from the piece of pizza I had for dinner. I’ll feel better in the morning.